So this is goodbye
This is goodbye
- “Porcelain” by Moby
“Porcelain” by Moby is a very negative goodbye. There is this feeling of hurt and regret… So perhaps, this song doesn’t best describe my feelings.
So long, Frank Lloyd Wright.
I can’t believe your song is gone so soon.
I barely learned the tune
So soon
So soon.
- “So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright” by Simon & Garfunkel
There is this feeling of life being too brief. As I say goodbye to so many of my friends (and siblings), I feel like I’ve not had the chance to really enjoy them for who they are right now. There is regret over the lack of time we have as humans to get to know each other….
But then, saying goodbye is really hard for everyone. When I say goodbye… I feel numb. Flummoxed. I don’t know what to do. I rarely say goodbye to my friends… because it’s so awkward…
When I said goodbye to Michiru, I didn’t know what to do. I felt stupid and retarded. And although I hugged her, I felt it was all so inadequate.
Then I said goodbye to my brother. He is dear to me – born so soon after me… he was there before I was even aware of myself as having an ego, if you think about it… And he’s off to our capital, Ottawa, for a year… but thanks to finance issues… I’ll not be able to take off a weekend to visit him. Which is not good if my chance to go to China works out…. So that inadequate goodbye… may have to suffice 2 years of seperation.
And also, I watched a good friend get married. For me that is another form of goodbye. Since I am incapable of sharing…. When I hugged her and wished her well, another part of me felt numb and unsure of what to say. Because she is going into a world I cannot follow.
Of course, I’m emotionally retarded – and in my busyness over China applications – it only until now that I can sort out how I feel…
Saying goodbye is hard for people who have less and therefore more to lose.
So in these silences, I will feel the pain of seperation for a moment…
And mourn the loss of friends to phases in life. And siblings. And muses…
I touch my face and realize that for the first time this year (as far as I can remember)…
I am crying…
Farewell, my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea… Comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say, “Do not weep”, for not all tears are an evil.
- Gandalf, The Return of the King
