Darby O’Death

Written for my Grade 5 class after the creation of the evil leprechaun now better known as Darby O’Death. Name courtesy of my friend and coworker, Emi.

Darby O’Death

A long time ago in a far away land lurked the Darby O’Death. Have you ever heard of the Darby O’Death? I am sure you must have – because he is the most famous for his wickedly mischievous deeds.

You know how parents would tell their children: “See a skeleton hat a night – run away in fright!” Or, sometimes parents would tell their naughty children: “If you aren’t good, the Darby O’Death will snatch you away!”

Everyone was on the lookout for the Darby O’Death. They said he was a magnificent man all coloured in wacky greens with the shape of a skeleton plastered to his leprechaun’s hat. One of his jacket’s arms has the depiction of a screaming victim and on his legs are graphic renditions of those long gone.

What everyone didn’t know was that Darby O’Death was more or less happy to be left alone in his favourite haunt: The Graveyard. It was there that he lurked – feeding off of the energies of the Dead. If some poor soul were to chance upon him, Darby O’Death would offer to fulfill their wishes.

“I would like a wife,” one widower had said – and remained single and alone for the rest of his long life.

“I want this new toy I saw at a store,” a kid would wish – and his family would suddenly find themselves destitute – with creditors pounding at the door.

One day in the late fall, the village priest bumped into Darby O’Death (the graveyard was next door to the church, you see).

“Oh, it’s you again,” said the old man.

“LET ME GRANT YOU A WISH!” howled Darby O’Death.

The priest knew Darby O’Death would not let him be – so the wise old man said with a sigh, “I wish I could be left alone.”

Darby O’Death cackled and cracking open the skulls of the dearly departed granted the man’s mirror wish. A large group of people found themselves suddenly trouping off to the church dutifully. The priest went off to deal with them.

Darby O’Death was left alone once more to contemplate the gravestones – and the foolishness of humanity. He had resided there for many years – unvanquished – unmovable. Powerful and mighty in his ancient strength.

Along came a bunch of cool dudes, who wanted to have a bit of fun pushing over gravestones and smoking cigarettes illegally.

“AHA!” said the Darby O’Death spring out. “WHAT IS YOUR WISH?”

“What the -” said one of the teens incoherently.

“WHAT IS YOUR WISH, INCOMPETENT FOOL?” roared Darby O’Death impatiently.

“I want you to get lost, freak!” said the gang leader.

“AS YOU WISH,” said the Darby O’Death, and suddenly the teens found themselves lost in the jungles of Columbia, which as you know, is the country of organized crime and illegal drug production.

Darby O’Death thought the day was shaping up quite nicely. Not that he could feel happiness – but, there was some sort of sick satisfaction from work well done.

But little did Darby know – his destiny was coming down the road. It was Suzy from Little Corners come with her mother (who was there to decorate the church altar). Suzy was a very cute five year old child with blonde hair, large blue eyes and the finest, most pink dress ever. In her arms was her favourite plushie better known as Teddy.

“Go run and play,” her mom said, knowing Suzy was a smart girl and would never misbehave in church.

So Suzy went out and decided to go for a walk in the graveyard. She had heard stories from Jimmy-at-school and was curious.

“LET ME GRANT YOUR WISH!” screamed the Darby O’Death jumping out from behind a gravestone.

The little girl squeaked – but held her tongue – suddenly remembering her mother’s stories. For a long moment, she was silent – deep in thought. Then she said: “I wish for a super rainy day with really BIG grey clouds,” said the precocious little girl.

“GAHHHH!” Darby O’Death gargled – as the mirror wish was fulfilled in a super fine fall day complete with blue skies and puffy white clouds. “YOU… YOU… YOU…”

And the Darby O’Death deflated and shrunk down to his original tiny form – and disappeared into the horizon.

Where is he gone, I cannot tell you,

Will he be back, I cannot say.

But if you are ever to meet Darby O’Death

Just wish for a very bad day.



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